Friday Flash Fiction: Joe vs. the Vampire

I was recently interviewed by Josh Pantalleresco and while on the show he dared me to write a fan fiction starring another author we both know and admire, Joe Compton. Now any one who knows me, is aware of the perverse homicidal imp muse that lives in my brain, so the story has been written. The following is a anti-fan fiction of Twilight staring Joe (plus a little nod to one of his favourite movies). And remember, this is totally Josh’s fault.

Image by Nina Garman from Pixabay

Joe vs. the Vampire

“It was nice of you to meet me.” Edward looked broody and eyed the axe on the counter of the abandoned hardware store. He nervously ran his tongue along his vampire fangs.

Joe looked stoic. “You said you had a question about my book? About the cash register?” He nodded at the old-fashioned monstrosity of a machine sitting on the counter.

Edward nodded. “I heard you did this exorbitant amount of research regarding that scene in your book. Why? Who really cares about a cash register?”

Joe gave him a look. The look that said he might end up in one of his video rants. “I care, sir. I care.”

“Well, you shouldn’t!” Edward tossed him his best pouty glare and picked up the cash register in a hissy pique. “Damnation, this is heavy.” Edward wobbled and fell, the cash register pinning him to the floor.

Joe picked up the axe. “You know, I don’t really like sparkly vampires…


Joe entered the nearly empty cafe carrying a package. “I’m looking for Bella Swan.”

A moody girl with dark hair stood. “I’m Bella. Wait, you’re that author guy Edward went to meet, Joe something, right?”

Joe nodded, as Bella stared at what he was holding.

“What’s in the box, Joe? What’s in the box?”

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